unrequited
Pronunciation: /ʌnrɪˈkwʌɪtɪd/
---- Welcome to My Diary----
22:40
It’s so easy to stuck in present and forget the past. I am so proud to have attended LFAS. Arts, how i devoted myself into at the age of 16 to 19, was able to draw and paint, was incredible. fabulous. awesome. People I have encountered, I must always remember how lucky I have been. This week has been tough, in a good way tho. I love working now. Love it! it’s been a while since I have felt this way. I feel so alive again. there are lots of challenges, but finally, luckily, fortunately, i got here!!
19:58
Have I ever expected that I would stay in Japan for 3 years? When I came back I was 24 having so much worries for future. When my mom picked me up in KIX, I felt so lost. Even tho it was my decision, even though it was what it was.
Fortunately now I have a job I love. It’s challenging, yet rewarding. I learn lots of things everyday, not only regarding to designs but also presentation skills. I’m 27 already and I have so much to improve by 30. I want to explain my work flawlessly so that the listeners can understand their needs. So much influence from one person. Want to be confident, professional, cheerful, fun, kind, considering, loving, and of course, charming like him. Stand still and walk with my head up. Keep moving forward.
Perfect Gradation.
…Then the forgotten episode suddenly turned into a small story, but even that story remained completely episodic in relation to Ruben’s life. It did not have the smallest chance of turning into a part of what we might call his biography.
Biography: sequence of events which we consider important to our life. However, what is important and what isn’t?…
…a fire lit by a divine hand in a human soul, a torch in whose light the lover ‘looks for the beloved in every metamorphosis’. Such a love (love-emotion) knows nothing of infidelity, for even when the object changes the love itself remains perpetually the same flame lit by the same divine hand.
It is a completely selfless love: Tereza did not want anything of Karenin; she did not ever ask him to love her back. Nor had she ever asked herself the questions that plague human couples: Does he love me? Does he love anyone more than me? Does he love me more than I love him? Perhaps all the questions we ask of love, to measure, test, probe, and save it, have the additional effect of cutting it short. Perhaps the reason we are unable to love is that we yearn to be loved, that is, we demand something (love) from our partner instead of delivering ourselves up to him demand-free and asking for nothing but his company.
And something else: Tereza accepted Karenin for what he was; she did not try to make him over in her image; she agreed from the outset with his dog’s life, did not wish to deprive him of it, did not envy his secret intrigues. The reason she trained him was not to transform him (as a husband tries to reform his wife and a wife her husband), but to provide him with the elementary language that enabled them to communicate and live together.
23: 36
I feel content first time in my life. I have a job I dreamt of. My boss is my mentor. He is great at educating me, encouraging me and inspiring me. Wanting to request his order and expectation let me grow as a well-grounded designer. Sometimes I am not so sure of what I am capable of, but someone to believe in me gives me faith. Wanting to be able to perform like my boss, I really have to focus on improving my skill. Pushing forward. I mustn’t forget how lucky I am to be able to get here. To be able to meet such great people. There wasn’t any easy way. Everything happened by a reason and I have learned so much by sincerely working in every single place. I just feel sooooo lucky to have met such wonderful people who influenced me to become who I am. As always, I feel greatly appreciated. You!
21:00
My gradpa passed away on January 13th, 2012. He had suffered from a severe sickness for many years and finally, he is in heaven now. For that I am grateful. I wasn’t particularly close to him, but hearing my mom and sis cry on the phone made me very sad. My beloved dog passed away when I was in NY. I still think he is there when I go back home. There is a wall between death and me so that I hardly face the reality. The pain I’m supposed to feel in my heart is numb. I feel terribly sorry for my ex-boyfriend who is suffering from diabetes. Yet his pain, also, I cannot find.
I hated earl gray tea with milk when I was little. I like it now. My taste buds have changed significantly over years. So maybe there is hope. A chance I have to grasp. I hate getting hurt. I don’t like the pain. I prefer being healthy.
Is there any answer to these questions?…
…Human life occurs only once, and the reason we cannot determine which of our decisions are good and which bad is that in a given situation we can make only one decision; we are not granted a second, third or fourth life in which to compare various decision.
